I Choose Hope

I'm voting today. I have to decide if I want my children growing up in a society that makes decisions from a place of fear, or a place of optimism. Every day I remind myself that I make healthier, more rational decisions when I operate from a place of hope, and not fear. I'm counting on my country to make that same decision.

Breathtaking Spirit

For reasons I can't articulate, I spent a large part of my recent weekend in Arizona meditating on my daughter. I found the place inside where I worry about the ways in which we're alike, and I let it go. I released it. I filled that spot instead with love and gratitude for the person she is. Herself. Lydia.

I walked around my home town and wished thousands of times over for her to be with me, to share the view. This was particularly true at the Dessert Botanical Gardens - Lydia collects succulant plants - when I wished she was there to see the butterflies, the cacti, the tortoise. At lunch later with my dad, I wished Lydia was there to join the conversation. She's a marvel, and she would have amazed my father to tears, I am certain.

None the less, it was a good weekend alone and a lovely time to recharge.

When my flight landed in Austin I turned my phone back on and discovered a message from a school we had applied to and been wait-listed at this summer. A spot had opened up, for Lydia. It literally felt like an answer to a prayer, like the universe responding to 3 days of meditation on the object of my affection.

And so, Lydia started her new school this past Monday. We picked out her outfit the night before. I packed her a special lunch. I said prayers and laid out socks and made sure she had a full water bottle. Dropping her off that morning was like reliving the first day of kindergarten all over again, right down to the tears. Her classroom is equipped with windows all around, including the hallways, so I was able to walk past and see my brave girl sitting in her new desk, looking so young, and so intrepid and so small. She was being so brave. As a mother, asking your child to be brave is hard. And I felt the water well in my eyes and I walked out to my car and thought about Lydia again. I thought about how lucky I am to have such an engaging, intelligent, joyful child.

At dinner that night she announced that she loved her new school.

This Friday is the Dia de Los Muertes parade, and we'll take picture. On November 5th I'll be one of the driver/chaparones for the first field trip of the year, and there will be more pictures. And on each ocassion I will remind myself how lucky I am as a mother and how lucky we are as a family and I will say prayers of gratitude for my precious, precious girl. I will live in the moment and I will stay open to the imperfections of the day and I will just be with her, and not worry, and just be.

The Valley of the Daughter

My dad and I spent Sunday morning taking photos together at the Dessert Botanical Garden in Phoenix. There was a monarch butterfly exhibit while we were there, which was incredible. I had a wonderful time. I also, however, kept wishing Lydia were with me. She would have just loved the gardens.

My father just completed treatment for throat cancer and is 100% cancer free. He also looks fantastic.
I took lots of photos of the dessert flora and surrounding landscape. I miss the dessert, and the mountains and the natural beauty of Arizona. I don't miss Phoenix, though. Although this visit did remind me of her many charms....

Surviving Twice

Did I say in my last post that I liked high school? Maybe the first time around...
Actually, I had a really good time at the reunion, thanks to some very dear friends. And I had some surprisingly wonderful conversations with several people from back in the day. I'm glad I went, because of people I love, like those to the right.
But certainly there were moments when I was back in that John Hughes place wishing that stupid rich snob would just shut up and move on..... And she did. And so should I.
It was a really fun party. And we all look f'in fantastic. All of us. Right on.

Benefit for Zay

If you are in Austin, please come. We love this little girl.

A Weekend for Me

My 20th high school reunion is this weekend. Tomorrow night. I don't really think of myself as a reunion person, but I am nostalgic, so it works. There were close to 1000 people in my graduating class, so I don't have great expectations for the reunion itself. However, I am going with one of my favorite women, so if I spend the whole night with her, it will be worth it. We both have enough of Dorothy Parker in us that regardless of what happens, it won't be boring.

I'll also be visiting family in Phoenix, which makes me wish I was bringing at least one of my children with me. But at the end of the day, a weekend alone, to do whatever I want, is a luxury I haven't experienced in years and years, and I'm looking forward to it.

Here's what I'll be leaving behind:

A family that I absolutely adore, and to which I am devoted, and for whom I am required to provide 3 meals a day, plus clean clothes, and some clear direction on how weekend time should be spent. I'm the Julie McCoy (Love Boat), Alice (The Brady Bunch) and Ward Cleaver (Leave it to Beaver) of our family, and I love it. But the idea of making decisions for no one but me for 2 whole days is delicious. Bring it.

I'm also leaving behind a job that I love. I'm taking Monday off. I'm not logging in at all while I'm gone. I work with the most amazing group of people and every day brings new opportunities and new challenges, both of which require full engagement. It's common for me to be on line late into the evening "collaborating". I don't intend to collaborate at all for the next 3 days. Unless it's with a bartender, on the best tequila for a top shelf margarita.

I know it's not cool, but I liked high school. I loved my friends. I was active in our theater group, honors classes, and a cool little group of mod hipsters. I hope I see folks from all of those areas on Saturday night. But if I don't, it's okay. I'll still get to see a couple of Arizona sunsets.

By the way, here are the shoes that are working for me today. So far, so good.

The Froggie Hat

Guthrie is at that magical age - exactly two - that seems so often to embody childhood to me. Early this summer we found a frog hat, during a time he was obsessed with frogs, in the dollar section at Target. No brainer. While reviewing photos from the summer, I noticed that Guthrie's yellow frog hat was showing up in so many of them. (I especially like the leprachaun like pose as he jumps on the bed at Mandy and Todd's house.) The thing is, the hat itself just looks like summer, when you're two, and could be any year at all. It's a classic, like the age itself. As we prepare for fall, and look forward to cooler temperatures and all the joys of the holidays, I'm looking at these pictures and realizing that the summer Guthrie was two is over. It was a good summer, and Guthrie did two with style.

In a month my little boy will be three. Those of you with babies - I'm going to need a fix once in a while. Don't be surprised when I stop by just to smell their little heads.

What should we do for dinner?

I used to cook, constantly. In college I would start a pot of soup or pan of spaghetti sauce before my afternoon classes, and we'd all eat for days afterwards. I still try to make a healthy dinner every night for my family, but lately, I'm just not feeling it. Take today for instance. I did manage to make a really yummy breakfast - we had puffed apple pancake made with whole grain flower. But now, hours later, we need dinner. And the only reason I'm considering cooking is I don't feel like getting dressed. (That's right, we're ALL still in our pajamas. Yesterday's yard sale wiped us all out.)
I'd run out for take out in a heartbeat if it didn't mean putting on clothes.
I guess I'll go and see what's in the freezer. I can always make something with pasta, or rice, and whatever frozen green and protein we have on hand.

What would Molly do?

Like a lot of people, I'm really missing Molly Ivins during this election cycle. Man, just imagining what she would have to say about Palin....
This is worth watching.