Breathtaking Spirit

For reasons I can't articulate, I spent a large part of my recent weekend in Arizona meditating on my daughter. I found the place inside where I worry about the ways in which we're alike, and I let it go. I released it. I filled that spot instead with love and gratitude for the person she is. Herself. Lydia.

I walked around my home town and wished thousands of times over for her to be with me, to share the view. This was particularly true at the Dessert Botanical Gardens - Lydia collects succulant plants - when I wished she was there to see the butterflies, the cacti, the tortoise. At lunch later with my dad, I wished Lydia was there to join the conversation. She's a marvel, and she would have amazed my father to tears, I am certain.

None the less, it was a good weekend alone and a lovely time to recharge.

When my flight landed in Austin I turned my phone back on and discovered a message from a school we had applied to and been wait-listed at this summer. A spot had opened up, for Lydia. It literally felt like an answer to a prayer, like the universe responding to 3 days of meditation on the object of my affection.

And so, Lydia started her new school this past Monday. We picked out her outfit the night before. I packed her a special lunch. I said prayers and laid out socks and made sure she had a full water bottle. Dropping her off that morning was like reliving the first day of kindergarten all over again, right down to the tears. Her classroom is equipped with windows all around, including the hallways, so I was able to walk past and see my brave girl sitting in her new desk, looking so young, and so intrepid and so small. She was being so brave. As a mother, asking your child to be brave is hard. And I felt the water well in my eyes and I walked out to my car and thought about Lydia again. I thought about how lucky I am to have such an engaging, intelligent, joyful child.

At dinner that night she announced that she loved her new school.

This Friday is the Dia de Los Muertes parade, and we'll take picture. On November 5th I'll be one of the driver/chaparones for the first field trip of the year, and there will be more pictures. And on each ocassion I will remind myself how lucky I am as a mother and how lucky we are as a family and I will say prayers of gratitude for my precious, precious girl. I will live in the moment and I will stay open to the imperfections of the day and I will just be with her, and not worry, and just be.